Text messages and online flirting, although necessary to the flow and maturation of any connection, does not mean you're in a relationship. So how, then, do you bridge the gap between messaging and dating? It's easier than you think. Online dating is a bit like marketing, and to be successful, you need to advertise yourself correctly. If your profile makes you seem unapproachable or undesirable, no one will initiate contact.
"Users of online dating sites are aware that people misrepresent themselves, and inaccurate profiles are one of the biggest drawbacks to using online dating sites," says Andy High, a Communication Studies professor at the University of Iowa. "You want to balance all that is wonderful about yourself with some things that aren't negative, but more humble or realistic about yourself."
What should you avoid? A generic profile. Cliché descriptions. Cut-and-pasted bios from other dating sites. Your profile should include unique information as well as specifics that prove you're a real person. Use the "show, don't tell" method where you share an example that explains precisely what you mean. Instead of utilizing a hackneyed adjective like thrill-seeking adventurer, add a sentence about your love of skydiving. If you want to incorporate your career, supply your company's name - not just the industry. Try not to exaggerate your accomplishments and stay under 200 words. It's a sprint, not a marathon!
It's a good idea to ask a friend to look at your profile. Ask them for their honest opinion. Do you seem accessible? Is the picture you chose flattering? (Don't forget to read our guide on the science behind the best profile pictures for some tips.) Your friend's feedback will direct you toward a more engaging blurb. They might even catch typos or suggest a story you haven't thought to include.
The better you present yourself, the better responses you'll receive. If someone reads your profile and is interested, but they haven't been able to pinpoint anything unique, the message will be a dead end. The goal is to provide enough distinguishing information that you can easily converse. A "hi" or "what's up" message easily stalls… whereas a question about a mutual interest will comfortably jumpstart a back-and-forth.
"A thoughtful question or reference to your date's hobbies and interests will likely result in an exchange of information that can tell you a lot about someone and, more importantly, whether you're compatible or not," explains blogger and dating expert Kate MacLean. "A great conversation starter can lead to more meaningful conversations, better first dates, and new relationships."
A specialized profile also affords you the ability to pick and choose who to answer. Observe how this person communicates to you. If they do not tailor their approach, they probably glossed over the text of your profile and only looked at your photo. However, if they mention a distinct detail, they both read and connected to something you wrote.
Use the straightforwardness of messaging to your advantage. It's much easier to share things via the internet when you don't have to look someone in the eye. It's quicker and more convenient. Messaging also provides you with a record of your plans once you make them.
Unlike texting a cutie you met out on the town, the stakes are much higher when you message on a dating app. You do not yet know if this person is interested or vice versa. The most important part of crafting a witty introduction is modifying your opening line to reference their profile. They want to know you took the time to read it – that you're interested in who they are rather than what they look like.
The Attraction Doctor, Jeremy Nicholson, reports, "Pick-up lines serve as an advertisement, filter, and screening device. The type of line a man chooses says something about his personality and attributes. Similarly, whether a woman finds a particular type of line appealing says something about her personality and attributes as well."
A cheesy one-liner pick-up line works well to sniff out if someone has a sense of humor. You can also send a couple of emojis in lieu of an answer. It's not too prudent to send only emojis for your first contact, but you can string a few along after several responses. It says you're fun and don't take yourself too seriously. Praise the other person but not too heavily. Heavy-handed compliments risk sounding creepy or stalkerish. Once you establish a light banter, ask the other person out.
Cut right to the chase. The longer you beat around the metaphorical bush, the more you chance losing their interest. Everyone loves a person that takes initiative. Skip the deep questions and getting to know each other – that's what the first date is for! If you give away too much in your messages, you'll have nothing left to discuss. Recommend a location that alludes to something you chatted about. Do they love Bollywood? Are they vegan? Do they hate sports? These brief glimpses into their lives will help you construct a memorable night out.
Messaging someone can be tricky. But if you put in the effort, it can turn into a love connection!