Dating Tips > First Dates > Dating the Introvert Way

Dating the Introvert Way

There's a big misconception about introverts. They aren't necessarily shy or reserved, but rather someone who prefers calm, minimally stimulating environments. An introvert can be social, but tend to feel drained after said mingling, and needs a fair amount of time to regain their energy.

If the above statement rings somewhat true about your personality, you may also find yourself reluctant to go out on dates. First dates are stressful enough. You're meeting new people who are "sizing you up" for a potential long-term relationship. As an introvert, there are other layers of stress that you may bring to a date, making the whole concept seem not worthwhile - but it most definitely is!

Here are some ways you can control aspects of the date to keep your introversion at bay...

Choose a location you know

For an introvert, there are a lot of things to think about when venturing to a place you've never been. What is the best route to get there? What's the parking situation? Dress code? Menu?! Don't wind up frazzled before you even meet your date. Suggest a place you already know, so all your focus will be on the person with you.

Keep it short

A short first date is perfect, and not just for introverts. Knowing that it will be a short outing can be a comfort - it's much easier to plan, and less time will have been wasted if things go awry. Go out for a drink, dessert, or coffee. And, best of all, if things are going really well, there's no harm in extending the date.

Ask open-ended and "yes, and" questions

Ask your date questions that won't be answered with just one word. Ask about things that will allow them to open up and show you who they are. It'll also show them that you have a genuine interest in him/her. Also, be sure to follow up with your date's responses - another sign that you are engaged in the conversation.

Come prepared

Seeing as a first date has similar elements to a job interview, it's a good idea to have questions, responses, and anecdotes ready to go before you go out. That way, you're not stammering to keep the conversation going.

Just be yourself

You deserve to find someone who accepts your quirks as well as your qualities. While these tips will help you manage your introversion in the moment, there is no shame in being who you are, especially while with someone you might be interested in. So, own it! Talk to your new romantic interest about being introverted. You might feel a great sense of relief, especially if your date accepts you and appreciates your honesty. They might even reciprocate with something quirky about him or herself, leading to a fruitful conversation.

Are you an introvert? What are some of your methods for dating? Share in the comments!

Michael Fromm, July 20, 2018

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