Dating Tips > Culture > How Do You Know the Difference Between Dependence and Love?

How Do You Know the Difference Between Dependence and Love?

When you can't live without someone, it's perceived as love… but is that really the case? Can it not also mean that you are dependent on that person? There's a thin line between wanting to be with someone and needing someone to be with you. Let's find out what it is.

Difference Between Dependence and Love

Love surely teaches us to be there for each other through all the highs and lows, but at the same time, it also means that no amount of distance or differences will end the connection between two people who are truly in love. If your relationship is more about dependence and fulfillment, and less about the happiness of being in love, it's time to analyze the situation. Whether you're the one who has mistaken dependence as love, or your partner completely relies on you for their needs, this is not a relationship you should be in.

What's the difference between dependence and love?

When you seek your partner's help for everything, you might be relying too much on them. You should never be too clingy. Being unable to live without another may sound romantic, but the reality is much worse. When love turns into passion, it's beautiful. Once passion transforms into obsession, it becomes toxic for the couple. The feeling of dependence overtakes every other emotion until you find yourself trapped in an unpleasant dynamic. More than wanting to be with your partner, you need your partner by your side to solve every problem -- big or small. 

Is love always selfless and unconditional?

Yes! People in love are self-sufficient and accept the challenges that come their way. Those who are in love understand there are no "if"s and "but"s in love. They give without expecting anything in return. Even while away from one another, their hearts are in sync, and their love remains the same. They encourage each other and take pride in each other's achievements. 

If you're still unable to draw the line, here are some factors that will help you decide if it's love or dependence.

  1. How did the relationship start? When it's true love, two people fall for each other and start a relationship to give meaning to their bond -- not because they feel lonely or incomplete in life. However, dependence is when you form a relationship based on convenience, loneliness and factors like age.

  2. Are you jealous and insecure in the relationship? There's no place for negative feelings like jealousy and insecurity in love. Dependent couples feel restless when their partner is away, and they want to keep an eye on everything that happens while not together. If you can have a great time when apart, your relationship is healthy. You'll miss each other, but that won't stop you from enjoying your own time. Yet, when you're just dependent, you have no idea what to do on your own. You feel lonely and scared when your partner is away.

  3. Are you scared that the relationship will end at any moment? In love, people trust each other and don't freak out on unnecessary assumptions. People who are dependent on their partners, however, have a tough time dealing with adversity. Even the smallest of issues can make them believe their partner is ready to leave or find someone else. If you're afraid how you'll survive on your own, it's dependence.

  4. Are you free to be who you are? A dependent partner doesn't care if the personality and identity of the other person is being stifled in the relationship. They just focus on how much love they are getting in return. They expect their partner to like what they like and frequent the places they want to go to. 

There is no fixed definition of love and dependence, but if you're concerned, trust your instincts. Being in love feels free and healthy. Love makes you flourish while being dependent shuts you up and makes you helpless. 

Contributor, June 3, 2019

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