Love is a very complex feeling that is very difficult to break down. Some argue that there are only three stages of love while others argue that there are up to 12. We are here to explore all the stages mentioned in order to make love seem simpler to understand and hopefully a little less scary for some.
Romance
As previously discussed in The Science Behind Falling in Love there are three stages to falling in love: Lust, attraction and attachment all of which can be categorized into one larger category: romance. In this stage, your partner seems perfect, has little to no flaws, and life without this person seems meaningless.
Disillusionment
The second stage of a relationship is where you and your partner start to notice the flaws in one another. Anger and irritability set in and thus triggers the first crisis. We begin to feel less loved and cared for and for some, this can be the beginning of the end and one or both partners simply continue to exist together without love. While some relationships may encounter these stages earlier than others, this stage typically occurs after the couple has been together for three to five years.
The Power Struggle
After approximately four years of being in a relationship, you are both very aware of each other's flaws and thus begin butting heads. What usually happens in these battles is:
- Blame the other
- Mold your significant other into what you believe is the "right" person you deserve.
The overall takeaway from this stage is that you or your partner want to change something about each other and try to manipulate them to fit into this mold. This is in part because we are still used to the intense closeness of Stage 1 and are not quite used to having alone time or letting our significant others have alone time. A lot of times, couples cannot get passed this stage thus ending in a break up or divorce.
Awakening
If by chance the relationship extends past stage three (power struggle), the fourth stage aptly titled the awakening, is where one or both parties realize they've upset and disappointed one another and work on repairing the relationship and stabilizing their bond. It's important to understand that all relationships have their ups and downs, however you (and your partner) have to figure out whether it is worth it to work through or not.
The Second Major Crisis
All relationships have their moments of disagreement, but the second major crisis usually has to do with a third variable; a job loss, war, recession, etc. If you experience the power struggle, but don't experience the awakening and decide to separate, the separation would be the major crisis.
Refined Intimacy
After years of hard work and commitment, we realize what we're doing and how to love someone else. It is at this point where we begin to codevelop a partnership. Intimacy rituals help keep the relationship alive and secure; intimacy rituals consist of date nights, game nights, vacations, etc. anything to keep the relationship fresh. It is also at this stage where both individuals realize the importance is "separateness rituals" which are activities that allow you to embrace your inner self (going out with friends, having different interests, going to a movie, etc.).
Creative Partnership
Since individuality has already been established, stage 7 allows each individual to add their own purpose to the world whether it be through work, art, a sport, parenting, volunteering, etc. It's very important for each person to be able to express themselves in an activity outside of the relationship as it keeps you connected to who you are outside of your relationship. Relationships do not define you, they are only one part of who you are.
Third Major Crisis
This stage, also like the is also affected by outside factors as well. It is usually due to a parent passing away or a child leaves home, or can also be due to infidelity, a job loss or recession
Radiant Love
This stage happens around retirement age. The couple is strong and radiates love and is the envy of younger couples. It's important for the younger generation to realize, this couple experienced hardship too and it took a lot of work to get to where they are now. In order to get to radiant love, couples must not give up on love in the early stages due to a disagreement because the end result is beautiful.
Generative Solitude
This stage is important when it comes to gathering memories and experiencing life at an older age ideally before physical or mental degeneration begins. Whether it's traveling, eating together, spending time with others or even doing the things you love to do, this is the time to enjoy the little things in life.
The Fourth Major Crisis
illness begins to take over either us or our partner and is the ultimate test of the couple's strength and love. You both have shared a long life together and while some moments tried to wear away at your relationship, but you've worked hard at maintaining and strengthening it making sure nothing would break it. At this stage, rather than focusing on the negative you're grateful for the time you had together and can't picture your life without them by your side.
Completion
After the fourth major crisis, comes completion. During this final stage, both or one of the partners passes on. The focus now comforting and reassuring our loved ones and doing the things we need to do in order to help them feel secure.
While there are many stages in a relationship they are all really simple and have one goal in the end: to make sure your relationship is strong and can withstand the test of time.